Many of you may be familiar with this piece, though I’m unable to find author credit’s to cite – laugh on…
WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary…
8:00 am-Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am-A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am-A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am-Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm-Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm-Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm-Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm-Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm-Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm-Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm-Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary…
Day 983 of my captivity…
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges.. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously backward.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.. For now…………..