Sunday Funny: Wonderfully Wicked Writers

Many of you may be familiar with this piece, though I’m unable to find author credit’s to cite – laugh on…

WHAT PETS WRITE IN THEIR DIARIES

 

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary…

  8:00 am-Dog food! My favorite thing!

  9:30 am-A car ride! My favorite thing!

  9:40 am-A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am-Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm-Lunch! My favorite thing!

  1:00 pm-Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

  3:00 pm-Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

  5:00 pm-Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

  7:00 pm-Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

  8:00 pm-Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm-Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

 

Excerpts  from a Cat’s Daily Diary…

Day 983 of my captivity…

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh  meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat  something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped  this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.   Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and  smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the  power of ‘allergies.’  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges..  He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return.  He is obviously backward.

The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain that he reports my every move.  My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe..  For now…………..

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