Sunday Funny: Twisted

image from office.com

image from office.com

I’ve heard many a helpful sentiment this week, and I appreciate them all. Truly do.

Since I’m a nerdy word peep, I probed my brain’s recesses for more wise sayings, you know, to get through this interesting situation I find myself mired in. Then I had an “aha moment”. What would these aphorisms be like with a slight twist?

I present to you shaken and stirred, twisted and bent, new Parables:

· The kettle does not care whether you are watching or not.

· The early worm gets eaten by the bird.

· You can’t have everything, where would you put it?

· Once bitten by two dogs.

· When days are dark turn on the light.

· When friends are few enjoy the abundance.

· A bird in hand is worth two on a dating site.

· God helps those who don’t need help.

· Only drunk people ever have to say ‘I’m not drunk’.

· Leave all the stones unturned unless you are looking for insects and worms.

· Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

· Pennywise pound millionaire.

· If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.

· When one door is closed it quickly becomes a fad.

· He who hesitates probably smoked weed.

· Time wounds all heels.

· Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

· Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we will be broke.

Credit: Yummie Lifestyle Magazine post by Kadar Khan…though the site hasn’t been updated in about a year, the bikini pictures may still offend some…you have been prepared.

What parable missed twisting?

Read More Sunday Funnies…

 

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23 thoughts on “Sunday Funny: Twisted

    • expanding on that, “Never look a gift horse in the a**, cause the sh** doesn’t hit the fan!” thanks Ann, for inspiring my creative wicked side, LOL!

  1. LOVE THESE – How about one more: “The light at the end of the tunnel – might be the lights of the train”!
    Let us wish this on the ‘betrayer’ – in due time!!
    Love ya!!

    • excellent, Claire! I think that’s probably truest, if I can use that improperly.
      most definitely, their train will eventually derail, that’s just karma 🙂

  2. These are great, Roxie. Thanks!
    I had a college roommate who always said: “Eat, drink, and be merry…knowing full well that tomorrow you’ll wake up fat, miserable and throwing up in your shoes.”
    (She was a little ray of sunshine.)

    • ahhh, college, where did those days go? “Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you’ll wear those shoes!” grand, Marylin, just grand! 😉

  3. Roxie, laughing here. I so enjoy your Sundays. I’ve one more for you “It’s always darkest just before it turns completely black!” I’m going to save some of the others you’ve shared … I love twisted sayings, sometimes goes with our twisted lives (certainly brightens the day) Thank you! 🙂

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